Let Me Go
by gangsta'sgirl
Summary: Clint's mission in Puente Antiguo, New Mexico has him coming face-to-face with a past relationship. One-shot.
1. Let Me Go

_A/N: This one-shot was inspired by Jason Michael Carroll's song Let Me Go. The song has a fairly ambiguous ending but this story doesn't. I may, or may not, expand on this. I don't know because I'm currently focusing most of my energy on Iron Widow Origins. If you're interested in an expansion on this universe, let me know and I'll try to make time. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy._

The assignment in New Mexico hadn't been all that exciting at first. Watching a weird object as people tried to dig it out of the dirt wasn't exactly his dream job. And okay, sure it was an 0-8-4, but this job too closely resembled an archaeological gig than something that required a sniper/spy who was also previously an assassin. Suffice it to say, this was not his usual type of gig.

More often than not, he'd be on the same mission as Natasha, watching her back, but her current mission called for more subtlety. He wasn't even getting any updates currently. He'd consider that strange but Fury had called for a full lockdown on the New Mexico site and that had taken his full attention. Then 'Donald Blake' was really Thor, a maybe alien, definitely prince, with god powers. And Clint is cursing himself for not recognizing the hack job on the DMV that had given Thor the identification of Donald Blake, PhD, because he is suddenly face to face with Darcy Lewis after ten years.

Their mission is mostly over and they are returning Foster's equipment, with a few bugs for security reasons, and he hadn't read any deeper into the mission parameters. He should have. Because Lewis is staring at him with a blank, yet polite smile, almost as if she has no idea who he is.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 ** _They were sittin' on his tailgate,_**

 ** _She was lovin' on his roughneck,_**

 ** _She was talkin bout runnin' away,_**

 ** _While he was puffin on a cigarette & just thinkin',_**

 ** _'_** ** _How am I gonna say goodbye?'_**

 _They're sitting on the porch, his rusted Dodge parked half on the gravel of the driveway and half on the grass. The porch swing creaks slightly with every push he gives, wondering how he's going to do this, when Darcy is leaning against him, his arm around her shoulders, as she talks about things he'd never be able to give her._

 ** _*end flashback*_**

"Hey, where is it, iPod thief?" He hears as he comes back to himself. Darcy is no longer looking at him and has made her way over to Coulson as they both survey the placement of equipment. The slight smile on Coulson's face as he side-eyes the woman gives Clint pause.

"Unfortunately, it got lost in transit, Miss Lewis." Coulson replies.

"Uh-huh." Darcy smirks and bumps her shoulder against Coulson's arm. The stoic agent barely moves but the twitch in his crossed arms makes Clint's eyes narrow.

A throat clearing has him tensing before looking to his left and spotting Jane Foster holding out a hand, palm up. Looking at his own hands, he realizes he's clenching one of her notebooks in his fist. He lets go, trying to smooth out the slightly crumpled paper.

Handing it over with a sigh, he ignores her knowing look and heads for the door. He isn't much help this distracted. He honestly never thought he'd see Darcy ever again. And he can't deny that he's happy now, with his wife and two children. He has so much now, that he'd never thought possible.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 ** _He said 'girl you got it good here,_**

 ** _You don't need to mess with,_**

 ** _A guy going nowhere,'_**

 ** _She said 'how's about Texas?'_**

 _Clint pulls away from Darcy as he flicks his cigarette, the cherry showing the arc of it as it sails across the driveway and lands in the back of his truck. His aim is never off and it pays, but not enough. Not enough for someone like Darcy. She never asks for much, but she lives in a two-story ranch house on over four hundred acres of farm land. And the farm does well. Her dad and brother run the place, hiring ranch hands during certain parts of the year to help with the animals and/or crops. That's how Clint met Darcy. He'd rolled into town with the circus, but an argument with his boss had led to him seeing a Help Wanted sign for a ranch hand. Long story short, he's been here six months and things between him and Darcy had happened fast. She'd come home on break from school two weeks after he'd started work, and he doesn't think he's ever met someone quite like her. Loud, opinionated, and she's definitely going to be someone on day._

 _So, he'd taken what he could get, knowing it wouldn't, couldn't, shouldn't last. He'd never do that to her. She has an undergraduate degree in History, another in Political Science and is thinking of getting a Master's in either Law or Political Science._

 _Clint's a high school drop-out with good aim._

 _"What about…Arizona?" She asks him and he shakes his head as he stands up, walking down the porch steps. "Texas?"_

 _"Darcy." He says, voice trying to be firm and no-nonsense. "You can't do that."_

 ** _*end flashback*_**

Stepping into the hot New Mexico desert, he walks away from the used dealership/science lab and away from the other Shield agents. Which left him with only the desert as company. He's okay with that as he lets the sun beat down on him relentlessly, his black uniform only attracting more heat. That's okay, too.

He knows he's getting strange looks from his co-workers, but he can't bring himself to care about that. Not right now. After about ten minutes of baking in the sun, he lets his eyes drift over the landscape. He can admit that the desert is a pretty place. The flat land offered a view that was seemingly endless, though he knows that's just an illusion. Or maybe wishful thinking because he's walked pretty far away from the lab and the Shield agents around it. He quickly finds himself wondering how far he could get if he just kept walking. Probably not far.

When he hears the sound of a familiar laugh, he wishes that he'd taken the opportunity to find out. Instead, he takes a deep breath of the dry air and turns around to see which junior agent he currently hates. And isn't that an unfair feeling. He hates his co-worker, who he hasn't laid eyes on yet, because they've made a woman laugh that he hasn't seen in a decade.

His sharp gaze lands on Coulson standing near the end of his car facing Darcy. The senior agent's arms are crossed but Darcy has a grin on her face and is gesturing wildly. Clint did not expect to see an actual, full smile form on Coulson's face but it happens and he's left with the feeling that he wants to hate his handler but can't. He can't hate the man that has given him a new chance at life.

He can't hate the man that had found him in a holding cell, ten months after the last time he'd seen Darcy, and offered him a life instead of a prison cell. His stomach rolls uncomfortably when he sees Darcy reach out and place a friendly hand on Coulson's forearm. She can obviously make her own life decisions seeing as she's in the New Mexico desert and has met (and tased) and alien/god/prince. And maybe they aren't the best life decisions but he can't stop her from making them. He doesn't have that right. Not after the way he'd left things.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 ** _He got up and shook his head,_**

 ** _Then said 'Ain't ya been listenin',_**

 ** _It's never gonna work out,_**

 ** _And I think it'd be a good time now,_**

 ** _To let me go,_**

 ** _You don't need me baby,_**

 ** _Stop holdin' on the way you are,_**

 ** _Don't you know?_**

 ** _I'm no good for you,_**

 ** _And it'll only break your heart,_**

 ** _If you don't let me go'_**

 _Standing up herself, he can see the resolve in Darcy's eyes as she starts towards the porch steps, intent on following him._

 _"Why not?" She asks him, her voice no louder but definitely firmer. "It's my life."_

 _"And you can't ruin it for someone like me. What could I give you?" He fights not to yell, even though her parents and brother aren't home. "You're smart, Darcy, smarter than this. Shit, you're only nineteen and you've already got two degrees."_

 _"What does that have to do with anything?" She throws back at him. "I can go to school anywhere, any time."_

 _"Not if you're with me." He tells her and he feels his eyes burning but he won't cry because then he'll give in. And he can't do that to her. He can't. She deserves better. So much better than a drifter with good aim who has a record for robbery and assault._

 _"We're together now, and I'm still going to school." She says, her eyes uncomprehending._

 _"No, you're not." He reminds her. "You decided to take a year off, remember? And if that doesn't show it, I don't know what will."_

 _"I took a year off because I needed to."_

 _"But you didn't need to until you met me!" He cries out, finally letting his voice raise because he can't stop himself. "And if I stay, you won't go back! I know, Darcy. You're just too young and naïve to see it."_

 _When the hurt shows in her eyes, he wants to hug her but he can't. If he does, he won't leave. Or worse, he'll take her with him. Either way, she'll never reach her full potential. He's listened to her, night after night, talk about the changes she wants to see in the world. And if anyone can do it, he knows it'll be Darcy Lewis._

 ** _*end flashback*_**

Shoving the memories away, he slowly makes his way towards one of the Shield SUVs. Hearing a phone ring snaps his head up and he scans the area, surprised when it's Darcy's phone. Looking at Coulson, he sees the man give Darcy a half-exasperated, half-amused look as she slides the device out of her back pocket and looks at the screen. They were supposed to have all electronic devices under their control, but somehow, they'd missed a phone.

"Hello?" She answers as she holds a finger up to Coulson with a smile. He nods and Clint's hands clench into fists. Then he notices Darcy's gaze soften as whoever is on the other end of the line speaks and his eyes narrow because he knows that look she gets. And if she's on the phone with a boyfriend or girlfriend, why is she here flirting with Coulson?

"Agent Barton." He hears his name called and looks over to see Coulson regarding him with one brow raised. "Is there a problem I should be aware of?"

Before he could think of a suitable reply his attention was pulled back to Darcy.

"No, you cannot speak to him." There's a laugh in her voice. "Eddie, you will not come down here."

"Miss Lewis," Coulson calls out to her and Clint is glad that he didn't use her first name but there's a sneaking suspicion in the back of his mind that it was very deliberate, he just doesn't know why. "May I?"

"Have fun." Darcy tells him as she hands over a sleek device. And he's not sure where she got such a high-tech phone, but Coulson barely gives it a second glance before pressing the device to his ear and walking away. Clint watches him go, hoping Darcy will follow. No luck.

"Hi, Clint." She says in a low, soft voice.

"I wasn't sure you recognized me." Is the first thing out of his mouth and he regrets letting her see that weakness, that bitterness. He doesn't want her to know that he'd been paying that much attention to her in the lab. He doesn't want her to know it hurt.

"How could I not?" She asks him, a huff of laughter following the words. "How are you?"

"I'm great." He bites out, still watching Coulson talk on the phone. "Never expected to see you in a place like this."

"Yeah, well," she replies with a bit more bite in her voice in response to his tone. "That's what I get for trying to complete my master's degree. Gods, fire breathing robots, and super shady, covert government operatives."

His gaze snaps to hers when she mentions her degree and he immediately notices the defiant tilt to her chin. Her blue eyes are daring him to say the wrong thing.

"What'd you decide on?" He asks her because it's been ten years and she was just now finishing her degree. He wants to ask what happened but he can't. He lost that right so long ago. Now, he'll never get it back. He has a family of his own and that automatically forfeited his right to know anything about Darcy's future.

"I doubled up. Law and Political Science." She tells him. "Of course, that was after taking another year off."

"Another year?" He can't help but ask because, even though she's taunting him with the information, she's still giving it.

"Yeah. After you left, I needed some time. So, I decided to travel. I had five months left of the year I'd already taken but it didn't feel like enough so I took another. Saw the world while I got my shit together and decided on a future. Just in time, too."

But he doesn't get to ask what that means because then Coulson is back and handing her phone over to her.

" _Eddie_ would like a word." His handler says and Clint wonders about the emphasis on the name but Darcy just smirks with a 'told you' before pressing the phone to her ear and stepping away. And he'd really like to know what she 'told' Coulson but he can't ask.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 ** _He said 'other than a dreamer, I ain't nothing but a drifter,_**

 ** _You could do a lot better',_**

 ** _He leaned over and he kissed her,_**

 ** _He said 'you got another year of college,_**

 ** _And a good momma and a daddy,_**

 ** _And me I got 93 dollars and this old '82 Chevy,_**

 ** _So let me go,_**

 ** _You don't need me baby,_**

 ** _Stop holdin' on the way you are,_**

 ** _Don't you know?_**

 ** _I'm no good for you,_**

 ** _And it'll only break your heart,_**

 ** _If you don't let me go'_**

 _"Look, Darce," he starts, unsure where to go with this. "I have nothing to give you."_

 _"I don't need you to give me anything." She tells him, stepping close and gripping the front of his t-shirt. "I can take care of myself. I just need you to be there."_

 _Clint can't resist, can't stop himself as he leans forward and presses a kiss to her full lips, her upturned face inviting him in._

 _"You're gonna get hurt." He tells her._

 _"That's life." The conviction is strong in her voice. "People get hurt. Let me be the one to decide if it's worth it, and how."_

 _"That's not how it works. You can't decide what hurts you, when it hurts you, how it hurts you."_

 _"That isn't what I meant and you know it, Clint. But it is my decision if I'm willing. You don't get to decide if something is worth it to me."_

 _"I get to decide if_ I _want to be worth it, though. I get to decide if I'm going to stick around to hurt you."_

 _The meaning behind his words is clear but Darcy steps back and shakes her head. This isn't how he wanted this conversation to go. He'd wanted this to be easy and clear. A clean break. Not this mess it's turning in to._

 ** _*end flashback*_**

"I know there's a history there." Coulson says and Clint snaps his attention back to the man, noticing that most of the Shield agents have cleared out of the area. "If that's going to interfere with your future work on this mission, I need to know."

"Like you said, it's history." Clint tells him, absentmindedly rubbing his wrist guard.

He hears Coulson sigh and when he looks at the man again, Coulson has that same brow raised as before and he gives Clint a pointed look before glancing down at the wrist guard. There's a small patch of skin on the inside of his wrist, about an inch in height and two inches wide. White ink in the shape of D.L. He'd gotten it the night before Coulson first found him.

No one that knows it's there has ever asked, not even Natasha, and he's never said. But obviously, with this situation, Coulson was bound to find out. Clint doesn't know if his handler knows about the small two-by-three picture Clint carries in a hidden pocket of his right boot. He doesn't think _anyone_ knows about that and he will keep it that way as long as he can.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 ** _She said 'nice try,_**

 ** _But you can't hide behind those shades there on your face,_**

 ** _See I don't think you're all that tough,_**

 ** _I just think you're scared of love,_**

 ** _And I think I won't take up that much space,_**

 ** _So let me go,_**

 ** _Take me with ya baby,_**

 ** _It's so cold outside your arms,_**

 ** _And we both know that you're not as strong,_**

 ** _As you think you are,_**

 ** _So let me go, take me with ya baby,_**

 ** _I'm alone where you are,_**

 ** _We both know I'm so good for you,_**

 ** _And it'll only break ya heart,_**

 ** _Down the road if you don't let me go..._**

 ** _With ya baby Let me go'_**

 _"I understand that you're scared, Clint. Me, too." Darcy says as she reaches for him again. He steps back out of reach because if she touches him again he will give in and_ he can't. _He_ has _to end this._

 _"I'm not scared, Darcy." He tells her. "I just know the end result. I've seen it play out too many times to not know the consequences."_

 _"Clint, please." Her voice shakes slightly, even as she clenches her jaw and blinks away the wetness gathering in her eyes. "I don't want to do this without you."_

 _"Well," He replies as he turns away and starts towards his truck. He knows now that there's only one way to end this. And it hurts so badly. He lets one tear slip out as he opens the driver's door and gets in. "You're gonna have to."_

 _He cranks the truck up as Darcy stands there in the gravel drive, her brow furrowed as she clenches her jaw so tight he can see the muscle pulse. A tear slides down each of her cheeks as he puts the truck into gear and pulls away. He doesn't let her see that his tears are falling, too._

 ** _*end flashback*_**

As Darcy comes over to them again, Clint can't stand it anymore. He can't stand the memories, or how she looks the same but different. He can't stand that he has no right to feel what he's feeling. And he can't stand the guilt he feels. For leaving her the way he did. For having these feelings when Laura is at home waiting for him.

His kids are expecting him to be home in almost two weeks. And he finds himself wishing Darcy would ask him to stay, one more time. He doesn't know what his answer would be, if it would be the same as it was ten years ago, or if he'd stay. He doesn't know.

He just wants her to ask.

She doesn't speak up as he walks away, and he doesn't turn around. This isn't like the last time. This is so much worse.


	2. It Matters to Me

**_Baby tell me where'd you ever learn, to fight without sayin' a word,_**

 ** _Then waltz back into my life, like it's all gonna be alright,_**

 ** _Don't you know how much it hurts?_**

 ** _When we don't talk, when we don't touch, when it doesn't feel like we're even in love,_**

 ** _It matters to me,_**

 ** _When I don't know what to say, don't know what to do, don't know if it really even matters to you,_**

 ** _How can I make you see?_**

 ** _It matters to me,_**

Laura's shoulders tense as the front door slams and she quickly wipes the tears from her eyes. She's just thankful that Cooper and Lila are at a friend's birthday party for the day. They so rarely got to see their dad and they were so young, this wasn't a memory they needed to have of him.

Barely glancing over her shoulder, her eyes meet his and he looks contrite. His eyes soften further and she knows that he can tell she's been crying.

Without a word, he walks closer and wraps his arms around her from behind. His forehead presses against her shoulder and she bows her head.

Laura loves her husband. She loves Clint. But something happened on his last mission and she doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to talk about it, won't even say what it is. But she has a feeling, deep in her gut, that this doesn't have much to do with Shield. Something happened that was personal.

And the fact that Clint won't talk to her about it hurts.

He lets go after a moment, still not saying a word, and goes to the fridge. He grabs a beer and heads for the living room. She breathes in shakily, willing away any tears that would have fallen. Turning back to the stove, she removes the now burnt food from the eye and throws it into the trash. She puts the pan on the stove to cool and turns the stove off before heading upstairs.

She can't stand there right now, one wall separating them, while he pretends everything is as it's always been.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Clint hates the fact that as soon as he gets home, he wants to leave. He considers calling Nat but she'll know something is wrong. And, unlike Laura, Nat will pry. He almost wishes Laura will snoop. Because then he'd have a reason for his anger. Well, not a reason. More like an excuse.

He can't explain to Laura why he'd stomped out of the house after dinner when she'd been getting the kids ready for bed. He can't say why he'd slammed the door. Why he'd peeled out of the driveway in their old pick-up. He can't say why he stayed gone until four in the morning and stumbled his way up the stairs. He'd fallen into bed without even removing his clothes, his boots were left somewhere downstairs.

No, he couldn't say why. But he knew why. Because he screwed up. He screwed up ten years ago. He screwed up eight years ago. He screwed up seven years ago. He screwed up five years ago. And he was screwing up now. None of that was Laura's fault. It wasn't Cooper's or Lila's fault. It wasn't Darcy's fault.

Clint wanted to blame Coulson because he was the one that had called him in on the New Mexico mission, he'd called him in to help supervise the super-sensitive lab equipment.

But he couldn't blame Coulson.

So, he was left glaring at the wall until Laura had dropped a cup and it shattered. Then he'd glared at her and slammed his way outside. By the time he's returned home, he feels like the worst kind of person. His kids aren't home and he doesn't know why. Laura's at the stove and her eyes are red and puffy like she's been crying.

He doesn't know what to do, so he walks over to her and wraps her in his arms. She stiffens at first, then her head bows and he presses his face to her shoulder, trying to apologize but the words won't come. He doesn't understand why the words won't come so he lets go of her and grabs a beer. He'll watch a game and then they'll talk.

Clint doesn't say anything when he hears Laura scraping a pan over the trash, he doesn't say anything as her footsteps retreat upstairs.

He can't say anything as he stares at the black television screen.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

A phone call from Cooper and Lila had informed her that the birthday party was turning into a sleep-over and she'd agreed readily enough. Her emotions were not in the right place to fake a smile for her children.

Now, lying in bed, she stares at the moonlight drifting in the window. Tears cloud her vision once again but she doesn't let them fall. Clint is laying on his side of the bed, turned away from her, and it feels like a chasm is opening between them. He'd stayed silent all evening, not even commenting on the lack of dinner or children.

She'd tried to work on the blanket she'd started for their bed but after ten frustrating minutes, she'd put it down and went for a walk. Her husband had been home three days and they'd barely spoken. They'd barely touched. Two hugs the day he'd come home and then the one when she'd been crying. That was it.

The tears escape anyway, sliding out of her eyes, over the bridge of her nose and onto her pillow. Quietly, so quietly, she tries to breathe out. It's shaky but she knows if she doesn't reign in her tears, they will turn into full-on sobs. And she doesn't want to wake Clint and have him ask what's wrong. Or worse, have him ignore her.

As slowly as she can, Laura eases from the bed, sniffling once. Her steps are quiet as she makes her way out of their room and down the stairs. When she reaches the back door, she eases it open and closes it again, leaving it open just a crack.

Rushing down the steps, she falls onto her knees in the grass and let's herself cry. It feels like mourning, but she doesn't even know what she's lost.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

He didn't go out again because he knows that's always a dangerous road. Instead, he'd went outside and worked on the tractor, then he'd fixed the swing set he'd swore he'd fix. Then he moved on to all the small things that were slowly building up with his time away from home.

By the time he makes it inside, Laura's in bed. He makes his own way up after a shower and when he lays down, he can tell she isn't asleep. He lays with his back to her, facing the wall, and wondering how they'd gotten here. He knows that he can just roll over, put an arm around her, and she'll let him.

He knows that he can sit up in bed, ask her to be patient. Just talk to her. But he doesn't. He knows, if he asks, she will wait him out. But then, he will have to tell her what's wrong and he can't. How do you tell your wife that you don't know what you want anymore?

So, Clint stays silent. He stays silent when he feels the bed shake slightly, when he hears Laura's shaky breath, when she slowly creeps from the room. He stays silent as he moves to the top of the steps and listens as she goes out the back door. And he stays silent as he listens to her sob as if her heart is breaking.

He doesn't realize that his own face is wet with tears until one falls to land on his hands, clasped between his legs.

Silently, he gets up and moves back to their bedroom. He rubs the tears from his eyes and lays down again. He doesn't sleep. But he stays silent as Laura returns to the room and lays down on the other side of the bed, her back to him.

 ** _Maybe I still don't understand, the distance between a woman and a man, so tell me how far it is,_**

 ** _And how you can love like this, 'cause I'm not sure I can,_**

 ** _When we don't talk, when we don't touch, when it doesn't feel like we're even in love,_**

 ** _It matters to me,_**

 ** _When I don't know what to say, don't know what to do, don't know if it really even matters to you,_**

 ** _How can I make you see?_**

 ** _It matters to me_**

Laura gets up early as usual, but there are no children clambering for attention so she takes a shower. It's quick and afterwards she dons her workout clothes. Popping in her wireless earbuds, she connects them to her cellphone and goes for a fun.

There's a path around the farm that she uses regularly and she needs it today. All she can think of is getting out of that house, away from Clint. She doesn't understand this new distance between them and she has no idea how to bridge it.

She's worried that soon, it will be too much to fix. Then where will she be? Her heart still aches but something about crying it out last night as eased the pain. It still hurts when she rounds the bend and Clint looks up from the fence he's mending and doesn't even wave.

And isn't that some wonderful symbolism. He's mending one fence while seemingly tearing down another. Pushing the thought form her mind, she speeds up until she can't think, can only run. Laura had ran track in junior high and high school. During her junior college years, she'd kept up with her fitness but been uninterested in joining the track team.

The freedom of running still called to her, though. It was the closest she would ever get to flying. And running helped to shut her brain off long enough for most of her problems to be fixed with logical solutions.

She smiles a little as she remembers Nat and Coulson watching her run for the first time. She hadn't been aware that they'd arrived to pick up Clint for a mission and as she'd rounded the path to get back to the driveway and they'd both looked impressed. Clint had just smiled, looking proud.

That thought almost stops her in her tracks and she realizes she isn't moving fast enough to stop her thoughts. Speeding up again, she rounds another bend.

Finally, the silence in her head matches the silence in her home.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Clint wakes up without his wife next to him. And if he was on a mission, that wouldn't be unusual. It's not even that unusual for home.

The silence that greets him is.

There's no chatter or children, no sounds or smells of breakfast. There's no television playing. No music, singing. Nothing.

As he walks through the houses, he notices Laura's running shoes missing. With a soft sigh, he heads back to their room and grabs his phone. There are no messages so he dials a number quickly and waits for the other person to pick up.

"Yes, Agent Barton?" Coulson replies as soon as the ringing stops.

"Request to terminate leave early, sir." He says and it feels like such a relief and such a mistake at the same time.

There's a brief moment of silence and he can imagine Coulson looking at him with such disappointment that he almost takes it back. Then, "I understand. Transport will be there at 1400 hours. You'll get a mission briefing on the way."

"Yes, sir."

The silence sound ominous suddenly, but he forges ahead. Packing is easy since most of his gear stayed ready. He had no need for his work stuff on the farm.

Figuring he needed to make the most of the time left, he goes about finding what needs to be fixed and fixing it.

When he's outside and sees Laura running on the path, he stops and stares but he doesn't wave and neither does she. He just watches as she speeds up.

And when the transport arrives and he tells the kids bye, he doesn't wave and neither does she. He just stops and stares.


	3. Wasting All These Tears On You

**_I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle, laying down on the bathroom floor,_**

 ** _My loneliness was rattling the windows, you said you don't want me anymore,_**

 ** _And you left me,_**

 ** _Standing on a corner crying, feeling like a fool for trying, I don't even remember why I'm wasting all these tears on you,_**

 ** _I wish I could erase our memory, 'cause you didn't give a damn about me,_**

 ** _Oh, finally I'm through, wasting all these tears on you,_**

 ** _These tears on you,_**

Darcy manages to pick herself up off the porch steps just as she sees headlights turning onto the farm's long and winding driveway. She doesn't want her father, Wayne, or her brother, Caleb to catch sight of her tears streaked face. She has no doubt that her eyes are red, her cheeks flushed. She's not a big crier, but it's not rare enough that she doesn't know what she looks like.

Stealing a bottle of Jack Daniel's, she heads for her room where she can mourn in peace. She had not expected Clint to up and leave her like he did.

Closing her bedroom door, Darcy makes sure all of lights are off and grabs a pillow and some extra blankets. Making a nest in her bathtub is easy and she quickly closes and locks the bathroom door before climbing into the tub. She leaves the lights off and uses her nightlight and the moonlight streaming through the window to see by.

Leaning her back against the tub, the pillow offering cushioning against the hard porcelain, she unscrew the cap from the bottle of whiskey and takes a sip. She wants to gulp it down, but she doesn't want to cough or make any other noise. Darcy wants her family to think she's asleep so that she can have some peace.

Maybe crying and drinking aren't healthy. At least, together they're not. But she's proud of herself for facing this. She doesn't pretend that Clint will come back, that he'll call tomorrow. She accepts that he's really gone.

A few more sips and she can't feel the burn anymore. So, she up-ends the bottle, swallowing a few shots worth of alcohol. She coughs a little, but it's more from crying while drinking than the alcohol itself. Her chest hurts and she knows her throat will be sore tomorrow.

As her eyes get heavy, she takes another drink from the bottle. She hasn't eaten in hours and Jack Daniel's was sloshing in her stomach. Her eyes drooped, then finally shut, the bottle tucked by her side as she slept.

Waking up, Darcy groans at her pounding head before realizing it's coming from her bathroom door.

"Darcy?" Her mother, Phyllis, calls out to her.

"Yeah, mom, give me a minute." She calls back, her voice hoarse. "I'll be right out."

It feels like it takes an eternity to clear the blankets out of the tub and then Darcy takes a quick shower. She sprays her wet hair with detangle spray and lightly finger-combs the strands before braiding it into a side-braid. She knows she should probably do something with her face but she can't quite bring herself to. It's not like her family won't notice that Clint's gone.

With his absence, her dad would need someone to pick up the slack. So, instead of doing her makeup, Darcy dresses in a pair of old skinny jeans, a tank top with a t-shirt over it, and her old work boots.

"Did you sleep in the tub?" Her mother asks as soon as she enters the kitchen.

"Yep." She says, but doesn't elaborate because her mom has turned away from the breakfast dishes and is studying her daughter's face with a worried furrow between her brows.

"Okay." She says and Darcy is thankful that her mother knows when to pry and when to let things go.

Darcy turns away and heads outside to begin feeding the horses.

It takes three days before she can get through the day and night without crying. It takes another two before she finds her anger. It comes to mind that Clint's not worth her tears. It takes nine more days for her family to quit worrying that she'll cry at the drop of a hat. Or the mention of a name.

It takes two more weeks for Darcy to make up her mind. Her family is supportive of her actions. They know it's partially due to Clint and she doesn't deny it. They also know that she already has the time off from school. It's for a worthwhile cause.

 ** _You ain't worth another sleepless night, and I'll do everything I gotta do to get you off my mind,_**

 ** _'Cause what you wanted I couldn't give, what you did, boy, I'll never forget,_**

 ** _And you left me,_**

 ** _Standing on a corner crying, feeling like a fool for trying, I don't even remember why I'm wasting all these tears on you,_**

 ** _I wish I could erase our memory, 'cause you didn't give a damn about me,_**

 ** _Oh, finally I'm through, wasting all these tears on you,_**

 ** _These tears on you,_**

Darcy packs a small amount of clothes in a suitcase. A pair of sneakers and a pair of boots go in the suitcase that holds her toiletries, hairstyling tools, and makeup. Her first flight is to Chile. She's going to build houses for the poor.

Upon arrival, she was assigned to a relief effort team of ten people. Everyone got along and Darcy was excited that she was doing something that would change lives.

The next month, she found herself in Uruguay. By now, she was used to the heat and had a slight tan. She'd thought working on the farm had prepared her for manual labor. No. This was manual labor. She has lost weight and gained muscles in places that she didn't think it was possible to have muscles.

Her brother and father, both being big men, had taught her how to fight at a young age. The men and women she worked with taught her a little more in their free time.

Three months into her trip finds her passing through Suriname to board a flight to Mauritania. The heat stays the same, the group changes, and Darcy finds she's quit thinking of Clint every waking moment.

She writes to her parents and brother constantly, calls when she can, and finds that she's thankful for everything that has led to where she is now. She keeps in touch with most of the people in the groups she is assigned to, often working with them in other parts of the world.

Darcy meets Dr. Bruce Banner in Gabon, and she thinks he is adorably awkward until he isn't. Watching him with patients lets her see a completely new person. He is confident in the way he talks, but soft. His bed-side manner is amazing and she finds herself exchanging contact information with him before the trip is over. She also manages to take about a million pictures, which, she assures him, she does with everyone she likes. She emails a few of them to her parents and brother, showing them how happy she is. How far she's come.

Finding herself in Spain on her fifth month, she takes a short break to explore the more touristy destinations. Odd jobs and paychecks from the relief organization she's been working under have her with more money than she necessarily needs. Her parents have also seen fit to deposit a little bit into her account each month in case she needs it.

Spain is fun. Somewhere between Valencia and Barcelona she has a chance encounter with none other than Tony Stark. They spend a week getting to know each other before he decides he's going to join her on her next expedition with the relief organization.

The organization is discreet and they don't make a big fuss when Eddie ( _'Everyone calls me Tony.' 'Well, I'm not everyone. You're Eddie now.')_ joins her the next day. She's seven months into her trip and Clint is a distant, sometimes fond, sometimes bitter, memory.

Eight months in and Eddie kisses her for the first time.


	4. We Threw It All Away

**_Baby, come take a look, at this dusty yearbook,_**

 ** _Do you remember those two kids?_**

 ** _It's you and me, most likely to succeed,_**

 ** _Had it all planned out, yes we did,_**

 ** _You were off to college gonna practice law, and I was gonna play football,_**

 ** _But we threw it all away, that's what the whole town had to say,_**

 ** _Mama cried, Daddy went for a drive, and the whole world changed,_**

 ** _Not a clue what to do, so, I just kept on loving you, on the day, that we threw it all away,_**

 ** _That fall came and went, and so did our friends,_**

 ** _Off doing all the things we thought we would,_**

 ** _It was tough I know, but we never let go,_**

 ** _Kept holding on to prayers we thought we could,_**

Despite Shield's involvement, Darcy got her six credits and graduated with honors. She decided to get her diploma mailed to her, instead of walking, and her family threw a held a small party. Sitting around the farmhouse's living room, she can honestly say she is happy. This is, at least, her third happiest moment in life. Well, maybe fourth or fifth. Okay, definitely fourth. The celebration quickly takes a nostalgic turn as her son, Edwin, decides he wants to drag out the family photo album.

The obscenely large photo album that Eddie had insisted on 'to document our fabulous and wonderful life'. It even said so on the cover. In bright silver and gold glitter. Eddie had bought the over-sized scrap book a week after they'd met and they'd spent a night of laughter decorating it with glue and glitter, fueled by coffee and donuts.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 _Meeting the infamous Tony Stark was definitely interesting. He was nothing like the media portrayed him. He was sweet and energetic and caring and fun. She can't stop grinning as he stands up on the hotel bed, the recently acquired camera in his hand flashing as he snaps picture after picture. She laughs as she tries in vain to cover her face. He won't let her, though._

 _With a graceful move that she will never be able to emulate, he flops onto the bed next to her and holds the camera into the air, snapping pictures._

 _"Isn't it time for you to get to your room?" She asks him, trying to sound stern and failing spectacularly._

 _"No way." He tells her with an incredulous look. "What if we never see each other again?"_

 _"I'm sure I'll be able to find you when I get back to the states, Eddie." Darcy assures him with a smile._

 _"What if you don't have to?" He asks her as he sits up and drains the last of the coffee from his mug._

 _That's how Eddie ends up following Darcy as she zig-zagged across the globe._

 _Their first kiss happens, then their second right after. It's only a week before they're sure that they want to be together. Three more weeks and Eddie has to take a trip back to the states for business._

 _Before he leaves, he gives Darcy a StarkPhone that isn't even on the market yet. He makes sure she has, at least, three different numbers, two email addresses, his Malibu address, and his New York address._

 _For the first time since meeting him, Darcy remembers who it is she's dating._

 _He calls her the first night he's gone and they stay on the phone for three hours. The pattern continues every night, until two weeks later and he's back._

 ** _*end flashback*_**

The pictures feel like a lifetime ago as she remembers that time. Meeting someone, anyone, hadn't been on her list of things to do. She'd wanted to travel, forget Clint Barton existed, and figure out where she wanted to go in life.

Forgetting Clint wasn't easy, but by the time she met Eddie, 'Tony' to almost everyone else, he'd been firmly in her past. Seven months of traveling the world had a way of putting things into perspective.

She feels Eddie's gaze on her and she looks up to see him with a smile on his face. She wouldn't trade this life for anything. Wrapping an arm around Edwin, she runs a hand over his curly, brown hair, so much like his dad's. She notices her parents smiling at the little family and her eyes tear up slightly at the love she feels.

"What about this one?" Edwin asks and she knows he's heard the story a million times but she never tires of telling it.

"That is when we found out about you." Eddie answers and her smile brightens at the way his tone softens. She'd never forget that day.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 _Darcy had not expected Eddie to actually stay with her throughout the rest of her trip. After all, she wanted to go help in relief efforts and build houses, she wanted to help people while living in a tent, if that. And she'd taken another year off from college to do it. But Eddie stays and his intelligence comes in handy in many of the places, helping to build water filtration systems and things like that._

 _It's been six months since they started dating and he's been right next to her for most of it. He has to take the occasional business trip for Stark Industries, but mostly, he stays. Darcy has seen a few gossip rags online that speculate on why the Stark heir is suddenly so fit and tan. If only the world knew._

 _Laughing children draw her attention and she looks over to see Eddie playing some kind of game. Watching him with children in all the villages they have visited has been amazing. He is so patient and understanding, even with a language barrier. He's helped to teach practical skills and mathematics._

 _And yes, occasionally, they would go to a city and stay in one of his villas, or a Stark Penthouse in a hotel. He showed her the finer things in life, but he didn't shy away from the rough areas of life. She appreciates that about him._

 _She thinks he might want her to take a break, though, when she shows him the test results she'd recently gotten from Bruce. She's glad that she'd met up with the doctor again and she wonders slightly if it was perhaps fate that brought them to the same corner of the world. She knows he's had some issues with the government in America so she's always kept their interactions private._

 _When Eddie had found out she knows Bruce, he'd been ecstatic to meet the other man._

 _Now, she places her palm against the barely there swell of her stomach, her loose tank top hiding it from sight. With a sigh, she makes her way over to Eddie and apologizes to the children for the interruption. Her hair is in a messy bun due to the heat, and when his fingers brush her jaw to sweep a strand behind her ear, she shivers._

 _"Everything okay?" He asks her as he looks at her closely. A smile breaks out over her face because this is a surprise but she's so happy._

 _"I'm pregnant." She whispers, unsure what to expect._

 _"Yeah?" His tone is cautious as he asks for confirmation and all she can do is nod._

 _Then Eddie is wrapping his arms around her. Hugging her tightly before peppering her face with kisses and suddenly she's laughing and kissing him, too._

 _They finally pull away from each other and Darcy's scared again. "What are we going to do?"_

 _"Marry me." Eddie says and his eyes are so bright, his grin so large. "Do whatever you want but marry me."_

 _"Yes." She replies without hesitation because she knows others will see this, her pregnant, them marrying, and think he's only doing the right thing, but she knows that's not it. She knows it's real, and it's right._

 _When they tell her parents, her mother cries, fear and happiness mixing in her green eyes. Her father says he's going for a drive to 'think about some things'. Caleb, reminds Eddie, casually, that he's 6'6", 270 pounds, and is a professional bull rider._

 _They get married the next week with Bruce and her family as witnesses. They head back to the states and Darcy decides to stay on the farm for the rest of her pregnancy. She doesn't want to be alone and Eddie has a lot of things to take care of before the baby is born._

 ** _*end flashback*_**

 ** _And in that morning in December baby, don't you remember?_**

 ** _When we threw it all away, that's what the whole town had to say,_**

 ** _With your baby blue eyes, our baby boy cried, and the whole world changed,_**

 ** _Not a clue what to do, so, I just kept on loving you, on the day, that we threw it all away,_**

 ** _Ain't it funny how life works out sometimes, just like we planned?_**

 ** _You make all the rules in this house, and I'm quarterbacking for our little man,_**

 ** _You were off to college gonna practice law, and I was gonna play football,_**

 ** _But we threw it all away, that's what the whole town had to say,_**

 ** _Mama cried, daddy went for a drive, and the whole world changed,_**

 ** _Not a clue what to do, so, I just kept on loving you, on the day, that we threw it all,_**

 ** _God bless the day, we threw it all away,_**

 ** _Yeah, we threw it all away_**

"Is this when Uncle Bruce came to the farm the first time?" Edwin asks and Darcy looks at the picture only to start laughing as she presses her face against Eddie's shoulder.

The picture shows a younger Bruce, smiling slightly as Darcy presses his hand to her bare belly. Her stomach is huge and she knows she was only a month away from her due date. Hence, why Bruce was there. The older man had been so shocked when she'd pressed his palm to her skin that he'd nearly jumped out of his skin.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 _Other family members find out about Darcy getting pregnant and married and gossip about the fact that she's throwing everything away but Darcy ignores them. And her parents and brother never mention who she's married to because they all know that attitude will change as soon as they find out._

 _Instead, Darcy stays on the farm, occasionally leaving to go grocery shopping just to get out of the house. Now, though, she's sitting on the front porch swing, her shirt pulled up to reveal her stomach. It's too hot outside, surprisingly hot for December and she knows part of the reason she feels hot is the pregnancy, but Darcy doesn't want to go inside._

 _Little Eddie is kicking especially hard and the front porch swing is the only place she can calm him enough so that she doesn't feel like he's going to break a rib._

 _Bruce steps out onto the porch and takes a seat next to her after handing her a glass of iced sweet tea. Decaf, of course. He pulls a small container out of his pocket and shakes out a prenatal vitamin and hands that to her, too. She frequently forgets to take them, stupid pregnancy amnesia, and so her family has taken to carrying around two or three in their pockets._

 _"Thanks." She tells him after she takes the pill. He nods and uses his feet to set the swing in motion again._

 _"You should put your feet up, they look sore." Bruce tells her after he gives her a cursory once over._

 _"Only if you help me move. I feel like I weigh as much as Firefly."_

 _Bruce just raises an eyebrow as he glances at the horses grazing in their pen. Then he reaches over to take her tea, setting it to the side before standing up and helping Darcy maneuver. Sitting back down, he lets Darcy put her legs over his, her calves stretching across his thighs. Eddie and Bruce usually took turns massaging her feet at different times during the day, which she was thankful for._

 _Her whole family has been amazing through the whole pregnancy. Eddie will rub her back at night and her mom would do it in the morning after helping her with her hair. Her dad and Caleb would usually bring her small, healthy, Bruce-approved snacks. And they would all watch movies with her when they could._

 _Darcy jumps slightly when Little Eddie starts kicking again and she figures he's woken up from his nap since the swing wasn't moving anymore. She has a feeling that this kid is going to be a handful. She doesn't pay attention to Eddie pulling up with her dad as she reaches for Bruce's hand and places it over the spot Little Eddie had just kicked._

 _Bruce's eyes are as wide as saucers but he smiles, hesitantly, as the baby kicks again. Moments later, her dad and Eddie are both on the porch with a hand on her belly as Little Eddie goes crazy._

 ** _*end flashback*_**

"Coincidentally, that was the day you were born." Eddie says as they flip the page and the pictures turn into ones of Darcy laying in the bed in the guest room downstairs.

"That was no coincidence." Darcy's mom says. "Our baby was just ready to meet us."

"Nana." Edwin grimaces slightly before blushing and smiling as Phyllis grabs him and kisses all over his face. The giggles follow quickly after and Darcy's surprised when Eddie leans towards her and presses a quick kiss to her lips.

"Ew." Edwin announces like only a child can. "That's so gross."

Yeah, well," Eddie says before looking at Darcy for affirmation. She nods and turns to her family with a smile, finishing the announcement herself. "That's why you're gonna be a big brother."

A cacophony of noise follows as her family congratulates her. Hugs and kisses go all around and Edwin is jumping up and down as she pulls out the two ultrasounds she'd brought for her parents to put in the family photo album.

"It's still a few months away, but I was hoping that you guys would be okay with us coming to stay here for most of the second and all of the third trimester. We'll need the help with Edwin." Darcy says, having already talked to Eddie about moving to the farm until after the baby was born.

"Of course, baby girl." Wayne assures her as if she's crazy for even having to ask.

"Thanks, Daddy."

"Is this what they're gonna look like, Mom?" Edwin asks and she turns towards him to see him staring down at a picture of himself wearing nothing but a tiny diaper as he lay on her chest, right above her heart.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 _The labor had actually been surprisingly quick since this was her first child. Eddie was still sitting by her side, his eyes slightly misty as looks at her then at the tiny person in Bruce's hands. Her mother is helping to clean the baby as Caleb and her dad step into the room, each carrying flowers, stuffed animals, and balloons._

 _Her dad sets the stuff down in the furthest corner of the room and makes his way to her, pressing a soft kiss to her sweaty and tangled hair._

 _"You did so good, Darce. I'm so proud of you." His voice is hoarse and she smiles up at him as her eyes fill with happy tears._

 _"You ready to meet your son, Darcy?" Bruce asks as he steps around the other side of the bed. Eddie scoots back so Bruce can reach her and he places the tiny, tiny person on her chest. "Skin to skin is best."_

 _Darcy nods as she shifts her gown lower, but keeps everything important covered. Eddie traces a finger over Edwin's forehead before letting it drift softly down the slope of his nose. His lips pucker and Darcy laughs along with everyone else._

 _"He's probably hungry." Her mom says as she begins clearing everyone out. They all stop to kiss her head and then she's left with Eddie and Edwin. The room stays silent as she pulls her gown down further and the baby latches on._

 _"That's our baby." Eddie whispers after a few moments._

 _When she looks up, Darcy notices the tear tracks on his face and feels her own tears spill over and slide down her cheeks._

 _"This is our baby." She tells him._

 _A strangled laugh escapes before he manages to compose himself and clear off a larger section of the bed. Eddie moves closer and wraps an arm around Darcy. She maneuvers carefully, not wanting to jostle Edwin or hurt herself, but soon she's situated against Eddie's side._

 ** _*end flashback*_**

The party ends shortly after the announcement but only because Edwin starts to fall asleep as the adults talk. Instead of trying to get him home, Darcy and Eddie agree that they'll just stay the night. Eddie carries Edwin to his room and Darcy helps remove his shoes and clothes, getting him into pajamas, before tucking him in.

"That's our baby." Eddie says as they stand at the door for a moment, watching their son sleep. He reaches over and presses his palm low against Darcy's soft stomach. "That's our baby."

She can't help but smile at him as they leave the room and head for her old room. They get ready for bed silently and once they're under the covers, Eddie wraps around her, both hands on her stomach. She will never regret her decisions. And, someday, maybe she'll have to thank Clint for trying to make them for her.


	5. The Cowboy in Me

**_A/N: Sorry it's taken so long for an update. Hopefully, I'll be getting back on a regular updating schedule soon. Thank you all for sticking with this story. Enjoy. This chapter is based on The Cowboy in Me by Tim McGraw._**

 ** _I don't know why I act the way I do,_**

 ** _Like I ain't got a single thing to lose,_**

 ** _Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy,_**

 ** _I guess that's just the cowboy in me,_**

 ** _I got a life that most would love to have,_**

 ** _But sometimes I still wake up fightin' mad,_**

 ** _At where this road I'm heading down might lead,_**

 ** _I guess that's just the cowboy in me,_**

As soon as Director Fury picks him up, Clint knows that it's a mistake. He's running away, hiding his personal problems behind his job. He wants to tell him to stop the quinjet, to let him off and he'll walk back to the farm. But he doesn't, he can't. So, he stays quiet as he straps himself into the co-pilot's seat. He hopes that Natasha is nowhere near the base he's headed to. She has a way of rooting out problem and he doesn't want her looking into this. Even though Darcy was in New Mexico when Thor landed, it doesn't mean that he can't try to keep her from getting any more involved with Shield.

The speed of the quinjet insures that the flight is only three hours and thirty minutes, instead of the more commercially advertised time of almost nine hours. Clint can only be thankful for that because he knows he'll be able to find a moment to call his wife. He regrets leaving the way he did. He knows that with his job, every mission could be his last. He hates leaving angry or upset and he'd promised Laura a long time ago that he wouldn't do that. It was a distraction and with his job, those could be fatal.

When the quinjet touches down, he sends a nod of thanks to Fury, knowing the man had more important things to do than pick him up, but not trusting any other agents enough to even tell them about his family, much less show them where they lay their head at night. His nod is returned and then Fury is disappearing into the building, the shadows in the hall swallowing him up as if he'd never been there.

Clint shakes his head and walks a short ways away from the building and into the desert. The sun will be setting in just a couple hours and the air feels heavy. Not rainstorm heavy, it was something else. He shakes it off as nerves and he pulls out his Shield-issued phone. They're made by Stark Industries and guaranteed to never fail, no matter your location. So far, Clint's has always worked.

Dialing the familiar and untraceable number, he listens to the line ring on the other end. Just when he thinks about giving up, the line clicks and he waits with baited breath. There's nothing on the other side, only silence. It takes him a few seconds to find his voice.

"Hey." He says quietly, hoping she'll reply. He knows he messed up, it's not a new concept for him.

"Hey." Laura finally replies and he breaths a little easier as he looks out over the flat horizon. The heaviness is still there, getting more intense.

"I'm sorry that I came home like that." Clint tells her finally. "I had a lot on my mind and I shouldn't have brought it with me like that."

"You bringing it with you isn't the problem, Clint." She doesn't elaborate and he doesn't ask her to. He knows what the problem is, he thinks. But he wants to keep the different parts of his life separate, so he won't bring up his past.

"Are you and the kids okay?"

"Yeah. We're fine. They miss you already." And he doesn't miss the _'they'_.

"I can't make any promises, but this shouldn't be too bad. I'll be back home in no time."

"Okay." He hears Cooper and Lila arguing in the background. "I gotta go."

Clint pulls the phone away from his ear and slips it back into his pocket. He doesn't want to lose Laura and the kids. Just because he happened to see Darcy Lewis again after ten years didn't have to mean anything. He'd probably never see her again, there was no reason to. And he loves Laura. He loves his children. He really does.

The man he'd been when he'd been with Darcy isn't who he is now. He'd been reckless and wild. He'd been two seconds away from a life-sentence every day. Darcy had been an adventure. Something that he never thought he could really have. He was never supposed to love her as much as he had and he isn't supposed to love her now. But he does. He really does.

He doesn't love her the way he loves Laura, but he doesn't love Laura the way he loves Darcy. His love for Laura is a mature love, a steady love. His love for Darcy is a fire burning in the pit of his stomach. Being with her was like riding a rollercoaster. A steady climb and then a sudden drop. Twists and turns.

It was terrifying, and thrilling, and dangerous.

 ** _The urge to run, the restlessness,_**

 ** _The heart of stone I sometimes get,_**

 ** _The things I've done for foolish pride,_**

 ** _The me that's never satisfied,_**

 ** _The face that's in the mirror when I don't like what I see,_**

 ** _I guess that's just the cowboy in me,_**

A week goes by and he tries to call Laura as often as he can, which isn't much. He talks to Cooper and Lila more than he talks to her, though. And when Dr. Selvig is brought in, if Coulson gives him knowing looks when Darcy is mentioned, well, Clint ignores them. He's promised himself that he won't think of her anymore. He'll push her to the back of his mind and forget her, again. Absentmindedly, he rubs his wrist guard over the spot where white initials hide.

After another week, he feels like he's going crazy. So, he makes a nest in the rafters of the room where Dr. Selvig is. He's supposed to keep an eye on the man in case anything goes wrong, after all. And messing with alien tech, something is bound to go wrong. He understands Fury's need to know, though. This object, this tesseract, was supposedly used in World War 2. It makes sense to wanna try to understand something so powerful now that they know there's life outside of Earth. Disturbingly powerful life.

A month into his mission, he's going crazy for real. There's nothing to shoot, no mark to watch, and no intel to gather. So, he goes outside and goes for a long walk, ignoring the persistent and strange heaviness that hangs around the base. He calls Laura and they talk for a few minutes. He tells himself he's going to talk to her about seeing Darcy over a month ago but the longer he doesn't the less likely it becomes. His dreams have become invaded by her, good and bad.

Two months in and Dr. Selvig mentions a Dr. Banner and Clint vaguely remembers a man by that name. Then he remembers that he was a teacher, a professor that disappeared from Culver, where Darcy got her undergraduate degree. A lab accident caused the man to transform into what was dubbed "The Hulk". He'd fought Abomination on the campus lawn.

"Dr. Banner can only be brought in if the situation is dire enough." Coulson says and Clint has to wonder why the doctor is allowed so much leeway if Shield considers him a threat. People like that were tagged and monitored, or imprisoned. Abomination was in the Raft. The Sandbox was another option.

Clint's gone from home for six months before he can take another leave and this time he takes it gladly. He's ready to see his wife, his kids, and get away from the ominous heaviness that surrounds the base.

 ** _Girl I know there's times you must have thought,_**

 ** _There ain't a line you've drawn I haven't crossed,_**

 ** _But you set your mind to see this love on through,_**

 ** _I guess that's just the cowboy in you,_**

 ** _We ride and never worry about the fall,_**

 ** _I guess that's just the cowboy in us all_**

As he walks up the steps of his farmhouse, he hears running feet. The door is flung open and suddenly he has his arms full as both of his children rush to meet him. He hugs them tightly before glancing behind them and seeing Laura, a dish towel in one hand, her other hand on her hip. He slowly lets go of his kids and walks towards his wife, his eyes as wary as her own.

Hesitantly, he wraps first one arm around her and then the other. It takes her a moment, but she reciprocates the hug and he can almost breathe easy again.

"I'm sorry." He whispers to her, speaking into her hair as he takes in her familiar scent. Lemon and oranges. "I'm so sorry."

She nods as she presses her face against his shoulder, for just a moment, before moving back and looking up at him. Her eyes are wet and she clears her throat before she speaks, though her voice still sounds rough.

"Dinner is almost ready. If you're hungry." And he knows he's not forgiven, but he knows that he still has a chance. He can be forgiven.

Dinner is a boisterous affair as both Lila and Cooper talk at the same time, trying to get him caught up on their lives. He laughs at their stories and he smiles at Laura. Later, when the kids are tucked in and he's getting ready for bed, he pulls Laura close and just holds onto her. He feels like things may finally be getting back on track. He doesn't want to derail them again but there's a feeling in the back of his mind like something is behind him, gaining ground until it is breathing down his neck and taunting him.


	6. Urgency

_**A/N: Sorry it's so late, song is Urgency by Jason Michael Carroll. Enjoy! :)**_

Darcy can't help but smile as she watches her father, brother, and Eddie as they work with some of the carpenters her father had called to build what is going to be Darcy and Eddie's new house. After some deliberation, it was decided that, since Darcy had just graduated and their second child was on the way, they'd build a house on the farm. This way, they would be close to their family and Edwin loved the farm. Darcy is glad he will get to grow up on the same land she'd been raised on. It seems a silly thing to be happy about, but she is.

After everything their family went through with Eddie getting taken for three months only to return with a light in his chest and nightmares. Then learning that Obadiah had betrayed Eddie so deeply and callously. Eddie getting sick and almost dying just over a year ago. And that Shield had known and done nothing. She can never forget the manic worry that Eddie had displayed when he thought there was a chance of Shield finding out about his family and exploiting it. Darcy and Edwin had stayed on the farm and hid as Eddie tried to find a way to survive the poisoning from the device keeping him alive.

Darcy cringes at the memory of watching Eddie crash the race car on television. She'd been so angry with him for that. Rhodey had made a trip to the farm just so she could yell at him in place of Eddie. Then he'd let her cry on his shoulder before telling her that he would handle it. She hadn't counted on him and Eddie getting into a fight. Their family has been through so much but they've come out the other side.

Now, she focuses on watching the men in her family work. Eddie had drawn up the blueprints for their house with the help of Jarvis, Edwin, Rhodey, Caleb, and Darcy's father, Wayne. Bruce was currently finishing a trip in South America so wasn't available to help and Rhodey had only consulted over the phone since he was busy with his actual job in the Air Force.

Bruce never sent any concrete information of his whereabouts in case Shield, General Ross, or someone else somehow figured out he was in contact with Darcy and Eddie. He promised to finish everything before Darcy's second trimester was over, though.

Honestly, she can't help but be so proud of Bruce. He's taken an accident that nearly destroyed his life, and used it to help others. He went to places that very few were willing to go for fear of catching a disease or other illness, and he took care of people.

Thinking of Bruce inevitably reminds Darcy of Eddie and how things had been after she'd had Edwin. Bruce had been such a big help when Darcy had talked to him about her feelings. She told him that she was exhausted all the time with school and a child. It felt like her and Eddie had fallen into a rut that she couldn't see a way out of.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 ** _I don't need your passing kissing in the hall, or I love you's when you call, although they're nice to hear,_**

 ** _What I need is to know you live and breathe, the way you did for me, for oh so many years,_**

 ** _Yeah, I need a little urgency, I need a love, a little less routine, a passion fashioned for the silver screen,_**

 ** _Yeah, I need a little urgency, show me something that's in between, where we are and where we use to be,_**

 ** _The love you gave that made me believe, yeah, I need a little urgency,_**

 _Darcy is sitting at the kitchen counter, sniffling as she wipes away tears of exhaustion. She feels so overwhelmed with everything. She's finally managed to get Edwin down for a nap, his teething making it extremely difficult. Since she decided to double her major, she was struggling to juggle her lectures with her classwork, tests, and getting enough food and sleep to remain standing upright. She's lost weight, enough that her cheekbones are starting to stand out in a decidedly unattractive way._

 _And besides that, she barely has time to be alone with Eddie, which he's usually busy with Stark Industries or down in his lab working anyway. His assistant, Pepper Potts, is amazing and nice and always tells Darcy how pretty she looks even if she looks like she was hit by a freight train. God bless that woman._

 _Darcy can't stand Obadiah and she's glad that he barely acknowledges her presence when she visits Eddie at the office. She doesn't know who Obadiah thinks she is, but she's grateful for that because she doesn't trust him. She doesn't want him to know there's a new Stark heir. It feels dangerous to allow him that information. Especially when she sees the way he looks at Eddie._

 _"Darce?" A familiar voice calls her name and she stands up, spinning around._

 _"Bruce!" She says happily as she hurries to hug him tightly. "It's been too long. Are you hungry?"_

 _"Sit down, I can get it." He tells her as he leads her to a stool at the island counter. He immediately moves to wash his hands. She can tell that, despite him always stating he's not a medical doctor, he's used to scrubbing in. He scrubs his hands and forearms thoroughly, digging below the nails, before snatching a few paper towels and drying his hands. "How's Tony and Little Eddie?"_

 _"They're good." She replies, watching as moves to the fridge and starts pulling out ingredients. "Little Eddie is down for a nap and Big Eddie is at Stark Industries. Obadiah needed him to come in today."_

 _Darcy's sure her sigh at the end gives her away but Bruce only glances at her as he starts aligning ingredients on the counter, his slight OCD making an appearance. He methodically swipes mayonnaise on four thick pieces of bread before moving on to the tomatoes and lettuce._

 _"You wanna tell me why your eyes are red or is it none of my business?" He finally asks her as he turns away to grab the salt and pepper shakers. One has Na Cl on it and the other has Pe + (Pe) r. Darcy had bought them at a random shop because she likes novelty knick knacks. Novelty anything, really._

 _"I'm just having a hard time." She says as she looks down at the counter._

 _"I can see that. You wanna tell me why?" Bruce asks her in his kind doctor voice as he slides an amazing looking sandwich in front of her._

 _"Has Eddie-? I mean, do you think-?" She stops twice, trying to figure out what she wanted to say. She looks down at the t-shirt and jeans she's wearing. Her t-shirt has been washed so many times, the material is nearly see-through. It says 'Totally Straight' with a picture of a rainbow behind a glittery unicorn. Her jeans have so many holes in them they don't really qualify as clothing anymore. Her hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun and her face is makeup free. "Is he done?"_

 _"Done?" Bruce asks her with a frown. "What do you mean?"_

 _"Is he done with me?" Her voice is a hoarse whisper because she doesn't know if she wants Bruce to hear. And really, it has nothing to do with what she's wearing or how she looks. Eddie has seen her without her hair brushed, no makeup, and sweaty. He's seen her when she's unshaven and without running water. But they've fallen into this pattern of her going to school and taking care of Edwin while Eddie works and helps take care of Edwin. They barely have time to sleep and there's only quick kisses and I love you's._

 _"I'm not done." Darcy hears behind her and she jumps and glares at Bruce, who looks down guiltily, before turning to look at Eddie. "I'll never be done."_

 ** _*end flashback*_**

Cool water soaking her hair and t-shirt brings her back to the present and she gasps in shock as she looks up to see her dad and Eddie laughing. She glares at Caleb as she stands up slowly and walks forward as he backs up. When she snatches up the ice water she had been drinking, he throws his hands up and his eyes widen.

"Caleb," she states calmly, a sweet smile forming on her lips. "I'm going to kill you."

Darcy throws the water at her brother and runs as it splashes his face. She leaps off the porch, heading for the water hose as Caleb sputters and tries to catch up with her after his delay.

"Anthony Edward Stark, if you don't have that water hose on and ready before I get there." She doesn't have to finish her threat because Eddie runs to do what she says and she reaches him seconds before Caleb catches her around the waist.

Putting her thumb over the spout, she points the hose over her shoulder and sprays her brother, catching him in the face and chest. He chokes a little as he breathes in some water and manages to gently wrestle the hose away, mindful of her very tiny bump. Eddie had joked that they'd have another Christmas baby.

Once the hose is in Caleb's hand, he strikes back by holding it over her head. He's over a foot taller than her and he keeps it out of reach easily while also dousing her. He laughs harder until Eddie wisely turns the water flow off and comes towards them to give Darcy a supportive hug.

"You look like an angry kitten." Caleb says and she pouts, poking her lip out for maximum effect.

A second later she hisses at him and Eddie startles before laughing so hard he has tears coming out of his eyes. He eventually stops and offers to get her a towel and a change of clothes so she doesn't track water all over the house. She heads for the barn to wait for him as he rushes inside.

Moments later, Darcy hears footsteps and looks towards the barn door to see Eddie stepping inside. When his eyes meet hers, her breath catches in her throat and his gaze moves from her face all the way down to her feet, sliding over her soaked t-shirt that's clinging to her and over her cut-off shorts. Her hair is a mess because she wrung all the water out she could and then finger combed it away from her face. Darcy feels her face flush at the way Eddie's looking at her.

He stalks forward with purpose, dropping her towel and clothes on an empty bench. Then, his lips are on hers and she feels a fire race through her belly. She knows he is determined to never make her feel the way she'd felt after Edwin was born and he is definitely off to a good start.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 ** _People change and sometimes fall apart, but that's not where we are, we can still be saved,_**

 ** _We are so used to the thought of me and you, haven't thought of what we do, if it all ended at the end of the day,_**

 ** _Yeah, I need a little urgency, I need a love, a little less routine, a passion fashioned for the silver screen,_**

 ** _Yeah, I need a little urgency, show me something that's in between, where we are and where we use to be,_**

 ** _The love you gave made me believe, yeah I need a little urgency,_**

 _Bruce excuses himself quickly, taking his sandwich with him as he goes to his rooms that he occasionally stays in when he's in Malibu. It's a sort of suite set, with a small sitting area and entertainment system blocked off from the bedroom area by a half-wall. Darcy glares at his back one more time before facing Eddie and taking a deep breath._

 _"It's not that I think you don't love me anymore." She tries to explain, toying with the end of her shirt. "I just think you've gotten used to me. And I've gotten used to you."_

 _"What do you mean?" He asks her as he steps closer to her._

 _"We barely have time to talk." Darcy tells him as she leans against the counter. "We barely see each other, even though we're married and live together. We sleep in the same bed almost every night and I never see you."_

 _"Darcy, I didn't mean-." He tries to say but she shakes her head, needing to get it all out now that she's talking about it. She doesn't think she'll have the nerve to bring it up again if she doesn't do it now._

 _"No. I know that. It's not your fault any more than it is mine. I just, I don't know. We say all these perfect things but it feels like a schedule. There's 'I love you' in the morning while we both get ready, then a call at lunch, a kiss goodnight. It's always the exact same thing."_

 _Darcy can feel her eyes welling with tears again and she angrily brushes them away because she's tired of crying. She's tired of being tired. She's startled from her thoughts when she feels Eddie's hands on the sides of her face. His thumbs running along her cheekbones as he stares into her eyes._

 _"I have an idea, but you have to bear with me. I don't want to give you any details yet, because I want to make sure first, okay?" He asks her as he leans down to press a kiss to her forehead, then her lips._

 _She can't help but smile slightly into the kiss as it deepens. When Eddie's tongue touches hers, his hands move to her hair, gripping tightly. Darcy kisses him back just as fiercely, twisting her fingers in his shirt, uncaring that it's going to wrinkle and he probably has to go back to work._

 _Eddie grips the backs of her thighs and lifts her onto the counter but they don't get much farther. Darcy hears a muffled cry on the baby monitor and Eddie's phone starts ringing. The reluctantly separate, Eddie giving her one more kiss before answering the call as she walks towards the nursery._

 ** _*end flashback*_**

Now, as Eddie's hands move over her hips to grip her backside, she presses her hips against his and returns the kiss. He breaks away momentarily to turn and grab the towel he'd dropped. He runs it gently over her skin before reaching for the hem of her shirt. She lets him pull her shirt off and run the towel over her shoulders and down her chest to her stomach.

Eddie drops to his knees and kisses a spot just below her belly button. Then, he reaches for the button on her shorts and unsnaps it easily. He eases them down her legs, running the towel over her skin again. A few drops of water remain and he catches them on his lips and tongue as he kneels in front of her, slowly worshiping her body.

He stands up and moves to drape the towel over a bench before sitting on it and pulling her forward. He divests her of her bra and panties quickly before removing his own shirt and unbuttoning his jeans. He stands up to ease them down his thighs, along with his boxer briefs.

Darcy's breath catches at the sight of him and the evidence of what she makes him feel. Eddie pulls her forward once more and she presses her knees to the bench on either side of him as she straddles his lap. His talented fingers dance over her core, checking to see if she's ready for him.

Once he can tell that she is, he pulls her closer and presses his lips to hers in a passionate kiss as he slowly rocks his hips into hers, entering her an inch at a time. She gasps into his mouth at the sensations he's causing and starts rocking in tandem with him.

Pregnancy, as they've learned, has made her a little extra sensitive and it's not long before she's coming apart in his arms, biting her lip to muffle any noise as he bands an arm around her waist, his other hand gripping her thigh tightly.

He comes soon after her and they sit there, panting, before straightening up and using the towel to clean up as best as they can without a shower.

They redress slowly, giving each other soft kisses in between putting on articles of clothing. With fresh, dry clothes on, Darcy pauses to gather her wet clothes and smiles when she notices what's sitting on the bench where everything had originally been dropped.

Picking up the small bundle of wildflowers, Darcy breathes in their scent as Eddie wraps an arm around her and leads her out of the barn.

 ** _*flashback*_**

 ** _I know we come too far to throw it all away, but I need you to make me want to stay,_**

 ** _Yeah, I need a little urgency, I need a love, a little less routine, a passion fashioned for the silver screen,_**

 ** _Yeah, I need a little urgency, show me something that's in between, where we are and where we use to be,_**

 ** _The love you gave made me believe, yeah, I need a little urgency,_**

 ** _Ooh, oh. ooh….oh_**

 _When Bruce announces that he's babysitting, she doesn't know what to think. She doesn't want to intrude on his rest and relaxation but he insists that it's fine and that he has all the pertinent numbers if he needs help._

 _The delivery at the door is a surprise, too. A large basket of wildflowers, soaps, lotions, and other assorted items. With it is a card from Eddie that reads: Take a break. Soak, relax, dinner is at eight._

 _With a smile, Darcy takes the basket to the large bathroom that's connected to their bedroom and lines up candles on the edge of the tub. She starts the water and adds oils and salts, starting the jets. She lights the candles and asks Jarvis to put on an audiobook of his choice with sounds of a thunderstorm. He obliges, dimming the lights as she undresses and gets into the tub._

 _The water shuts off automatically when the tub is full and she relaxes her head against the inflatable pillow on the side of the tub. She closes her eyes as she lets the water jets, the scents, and the sounds relax her. The water is kept at a comfortable temperature thanks to the heating technology in the tub that's controlled by Jarvis._

 _He interrupts her after a while and tells her that there's a package on the bed for her and that Miss Potts will be there soon to help her get ready. She's confused at first, but getting out of the tub, she dries off and wraps herself in her robe before going to see what's on the bed._

 _Darcy finds herself grinning at the sight of the bags on the bed. There are no names on the outside of them but she knows they're from very exclusive shops. Opening the first one, she finds a beautiful, ice blue, silk lingerie set complete with garters. Black thigh-highs are also in the bag. In the other bags she finds chocolates, more lingerie, bath and body products, and assorted items._

 _A knock at the door has her glancing up to see Pepper watching her with a soft smile. The woman enters and helps her sort through the items and put them where they need to go before going to her closet to grab a garment bag._

 _"Go put on your moisturizers and all that while I set up the hair stuff." Pepper tells her and Darcy nods as she grabs the basket again and pulls out some moisturizer that smells like honey and lemons. She slathers it on and lets it dry before slipping on the lingerie and the matching robe that she'd found in a separate bag. She heads into the room again and lets Pepper sit her down at a vanity table to dry her hair. She puts curlers in it next and starts on her makeup, applying it with an expert hand._

 _Next, Pepper pulls out the dress and Darcy smiles at the design. It's a smoky gray wrap dress that clings in all the right places. It's paired with black pumps. Pepper takes the curlers out of Darcy's hair and sprays it lightly before stepping back and urging her to stand. The result are amazing and Darcy thanks Pepper profusely for her help._

 _"Have fun." Pepper tells her with a wink before leaving._

 _Darcy makes her way to a sitting area that overlooks the ocean and is happily surprised to see that it's been transformed into a small dining area. Eddie is standing at the window and turns as she walks in, causing her to catch her breath. He's in a charcoal gray suit, hair combed and a large grin on his face._

 _They sit down and enjoy a nice dinner of chicken parmesan. For dessert, Eddie tells her to follow the trail. With a grin, she notices that just outside of the sitting area is a trail of white petals. They're not rose petals but she isn't sure what kind of petals they are. She follows them down the hall as Eddie follows her._

 _Her first thought is that they head to the bedroom, but they bypass the bedroom and take her to the roof of the house. A canopy is set up and looking inside she can see a lot of candles, pillows, and blankets. A couple of ice buckets that are holding champagne are also visible. A tray of strawberries and chocolate sauce is sitting between the buckets._

 _Turning around to look at Eddie, her eyes widen because he's holding out one hand while the other points a small, black device towards empty air. Strains of Richard Marx's Right Here Waiting float through the air as Darcy puts her hand in his and he pulls her towards him, slipping the device into his pocket._

 _His arms go around her as they start to sway to the music, the warm night air surrounding them as they stare into each other's eyes. It feels like such a profound moment and Darcy doesn't want to miss a second of it, especially when Eddie starts to softly sing along to the song. Tears well in her eyes as he lets her see his heart in his eyes and she tries to do the same._

 _"Oh, can't you see it baby. You've got me going crazy. Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you. Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you. Waiting for you."_

 _She presses her lips to his, letting him feel all of her love for him. He kisses her back slowly and softly before pulling back slightly and resting his forehead against hers._

 _"I could never be done with you. With any of this." He whispers to her. "You're it for me, Darcy. You're everything."_

 _A tear escapes and makes its way down her cheek as she breaths in shakily and nods, letting him know that she hears him and understands. He presses another kiss to her lips before stepping back and leading her to the tent._

 ** _*end flashback*_**

Darcy smiles at the memory. At the gentleness of it all. She wraps her arm around Eddie's waist as they make their way onto the porch to be greeted by their son. He starts talking a mile a minute about an email he got from his Uncle Bruce and a phone call from Uncle Rhodey. Darcy listens to him and Eddie start making plans for a family gathering as she sits down on the porch swing and just enjoys being here with most of her family. She wouldn't trade any of it for anything in the world.


End file.
